Book Reflections: Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother

Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua


No doubt this is a controversial book that would anger a lot of parents who treat their kids as friends.  As I leafed through the pages, I swear I could hear dozens of Korean moms' sentiments echoed in them.  Like the author, they believe that it's a mother's job to be strong (super strong) for their children, that a kid's success almost solely depends (99%) on whether the mom does her job right, that it's ok for the children to hate them now because they would appreciate what has been done for them later, and that the Western style (i.e. American) of raising a child is almost a joke (no kidding).  I know this because I've heard them repeat it like a mantra in the 14 or so years I've been teaching their kids.  Their sentiments of course varies in degrees but the heart of it is the same: the Tiger Mother is in a constant battle to rear their cubs to be the fiercest, strongest, and most cunning Asian tigers on the planet. If you're Asian, you know in the pit of your stomach you'll beat a regular white kid anytime at Math, anytime. It's Asian domination everybody! Hurrah for the Jeremy Lins of the world!


BUT, as much as the book is filled with bravado so is it lined with doubt as if the author is seeking affirmation of her methods (5 hours of non-stop violin practice while on holiday, anyone?) or trying to get justification of her brutality (calling her daughter "garbage").  I've seen many parents (Filipinos included) cringe with regret over hitting their kid too much (a kid I know couldn't walk right a few days) or know that the punishments they've meted out were done in anger (grabbing a daughter by the hair and whirling her til her nose bled).


It's a tough tough world for parents. And every decision you make might be the decision your kid will remember you for, for the rest of her life.  It seems like an oversimplification of things but from what I've observed in parents, it's those actions that are done in love (a light pat on the shoulder or a heavy smack on the bottom) that have the best chances of getting the results they want or maybe even later appreciated and fondly remembered by their children.